Unconsciously after year. In this first day of 2018, I look back on the past in 2017, and the prospect of new year of life.

Just past 2017, for me, very extraordinary. Series of things happened.

January 30, 2017, three days of the first lunar month, my Sanjiu died suddenly. The night before, after the end of his gambling home, took a drag went to bed. The next morning, Sanjiu has died. After his death about 40 days, I dreamed about him once. When I go to his grandmother in early March, the second uncle asked me to play Sanjiu paper money (to buy yellow paper, paper money with die style of play), paper money is the only reason to play younger. Before playing uncle is two paper money, but the two are Sanjiu uncle's brother. Although I Hongli Sanjiu juniors, but Hongli is a woman, to paper money to play by the younger men. I played a whole bunch of paper money, I was kneeling stand up. Later, I dreamed of Sanjiu, flanked by two of his close friends, he told me that he had deposits there, showed me a deposit slip. Unfortunately, I only see deposit slip behind a series of numbers "0", but did not see the front of the concrete figures. According to customs people, the beginning of spring before and after 18 days of death, burial ground-breaking is not allowed, then put his casket placed under a tree, cut a few pine branches cover. In front at 9:00 on March 19, auspicious, Sanjiu burial. This day is also the 49th day of his death, 7177. When the fourth day after the death of Sanjiu, I wrote a blog post: "Goodbye, Sanjiu."

February 2017, on the way back to the workplace work, I midway find friends to play. This is to recognize a friend for seven years, before the relationship has been good. The meeting did not see a few years, he also hope that we can meet, so I pass them halfway there looking for him to play. I first to Texas, but they have been transferred to Liaocheng. Then I went to Liaocheng. Just the first two days nothing unusual. But the third day, they took me to listen to their training sessions, when he confided to me that they are working in Longliqi company, to do marketing in Liaocheng. I then started to brainwashing, say their company's culture these. At this point I feel something, because the company will not be so normal training. Next, the abnormal situation more and more, although not confiscated mobile phones, identity cards of these, but I feel I seem to enter the pyramid. As we sat in a McDonald's inside the mall, when I want to escape but do not know how to escape, one of my students called and also take this opportunity, I hid in the bathroom to my students tell the truth, asked her on the phone help me acting. Finally, the fourth day after I went to see a friend play (excluding the day of arrival Liaocheng) I succeeded in escaping, but fled before subjected to all kinds of hardships, such as torture in general. Thanks to a taxi master Liaocheng, he took me to run more than one hundred kilometers, in the evening the night went to Jinan. I would very much like I gave him a hand string. 4 hours sleep at night, the next day to sit first class fled to Shanghai high-speed rail. I have made on the blog on the matter of the blog post "safe danger", but one thing is that after I arrive at a hotel near Jinan East High Speed ??Rail Station occupancy, open the computer to write. I was tired and hungry, and frightened, yet Huanguo Lai, so there is no energy to write about it. Later, they fear retaliation, I have spent five years disabled phone number. Here I remind you: MLM now, is not relevant state laws and regulations on the definition of a pyramid scheme, pyramid schemes officers may not confiscate your cell phone, ID cards and other personal property, as well as products of their hands, even though they will you were guards, but even the police, the police come, it will not pipe.

The evening of 2 March 2017 more than 10 points, my grandfather died suddenly. My grandfather was born in 1931, grew bitter fate, was barefoot in the street selling bean curd. During his father's illness, according to the home where they say, son get married at this time, you can wash away the bad things at home, so my grandfather married my grandmother door. But the father or grandfather died. In 1959, due to the "three years of natural disasters", home where they have people starving to death, the government let people sign up move, my grandfather signed up. June 1960, moved to my home there, though remote location but somewhat backward rural areas, the village has only a day after a trip to passenger vehicles. Move over time, pregnant and grandmother, three months after my father was born. Grandpa March 2 night, after dinner, still working, chop some firewood to light a fire, to warm the house. After work, tired, lay down to sleep. Sleep more than 10 points, suddenly woke up and said, "I am not a light disease ah, breathing hard." Grandma helped him sit up, but this time my grandfather's performance is not normal. Although we found several grandmother, my mother also recommended to call 120, but twenty minutes later, my grandfather stopped breathing. Left no last words, just left a regret, because they want to return home after many years, but die abroad, the ashes will be buried in the side. After that, my parents had dreamed of my grandfather, my only dream about him in December 15 morning. Grandma has been 82 years old, my aunt to voluntarily follow the Beijing winter, my grandfather seems to think that a few of his filial son, a dream he shouted to me: "! I only have daughters, I have no son," about my grandfather, I did not write Bowen, I want to wait when the New Year back home, the grandfather of historical experience down. Grandpa's death, the presence of the whole family problems and contradictions uncover all the family which took place many, many things that until now are heartbreaking.

April 7, 2017, due to acute gastroenteritis, caused by severe dehydration, electrolyte metabolism disorder, I was hospitalized. April 6, Thursday, 21:00 me from work, home nearby is already 10:15. Always felt like at night hungry, time to buy a home in the vicinity of a few bananas, eat while walking two. Once home, he found himself not hungry, but upset stomach. At the time I am feeling very uncomfortable, so I went to the bathroom, vomiting, but spit it out. Bed could not sleep. Then, I began to diarrhea. In the past, it happened twice acute gastroenteritis, but I did not see a doctor, because there is no money, his own teeth, so this time I suspect that they had acute gastroenteritis. Diarrhea all night, antidiarrheal drugs have no effect. I was learning the vet, but many physiological and pathological conditions in animals and humans is the same, according to the body's performance, I knew electrolyte metabolism has emerged, this time on their own teeth to die. The next day around six o'clock in the morning, start with high fever. When half past seven, I was going to go to a community clinic infusion, for fear of large hospitals to go through a series of checks, afraid that they barely. Taxi to a community hospital, we found that there is very professional, there is only one clinic, and a group of elderly people crowded in front of me in line. I worried that I barely old man here certainly will not let the people who I might faint at any time. I hit the big car to a nearby hospital, stumbled and went to the clinic. The doctor gave me medicine to say, when I was thinking about going to school to complete the course, then come back this afternoon off to rest. But the doctor said, you do not go to work, you must rest. Doctors look at me is not right, took my blood pressure is very low, suggested that I be hospitalized, because outpatient infusion is not allowed. I myself running a hospital procedures, when I had almost run out of my last bit of energy. Before lying in bed, infusion, I once again high fever, severe burning of more than a few hours ago. Then began my confusion, I just feel like dying. This time a man hospitalized for three days, 22 infusion bottle, finally a good, cost more than 1830 yuan of money. Prior to this isolated liver damage due to alcohol-induced remained at a moderate, also check out the left kidney, right kidney crystal, hyperuricemia.

August 30, 2017, for failing to obtain Teacher within a year, the school I lifted the hiring. Since August 7, 2016, to August 30, 2017, I worked for a year and one month, August weekend without a break even before the departure of a half weeks of continuous fighting, as early as eight are many days late ten. I have these teachers more luck. For secondary schools, when teachers can not Teacher entry, but my number, and I next batch (I later than 3 months), all achieved within one year teacher qualification requirements. Suddenly we catch up with policy changes, beginning from January 2016, where the teacher qualification exam implement national test, test frequency from twice a year to the original provincial exams, changed once a year. State Examination teacher qualification exam, the pass rate of 25?70?f the original is no longer a provincial exams. According to December 2015 Department of Education issued a document calling for less than one year to get the Teacher, Teacher will not be difficult to pass and change. So many years, ups and downs over, countless College Entrance Examination quiz, I think Teacher was not hard to me. But I due to this dangerous place, and schools had brought the most troublesome class, I really not in the mood to learn the contents of teacher qualification examination, in order to ensure that students are not an accident, I catch almost all the time. Eventually, the "overall quality" through "education knowledge and ability" exam, 51 points, did not pass. Since applicants are college courses Teacher, you do not need to test subject knowledge and ability, the test subjects during the interview. Because without obtaining Teacher, in August 2017, City Board of Education ordered the dismissal of all not obtained within one year of Teacher teachers, including me and the next batch of these, the city's total dismissal of more than 40 teachers, I It is one of them. It should be noted here: In the fourth quarter of 2016, various vocational schools to report when the teacher recruitment plan has been changed to "within three years to get the Teacher." In fact, leave the secondary school for me is a relief. If I have been working down here, my people can scrap it, and may even one day I committed suicide, even after wages will go up, but how? About my experience as a teacher this year, is currently being serialized blog, see "I am a teacher of the year" blog series.

In late August 2017, I found myself emotional problems, and can not control their anxiety. In early October, I had a diagnosis of mental situation. After diagnosis, I was suffering from mild depression. My heart backlog painful experience of childhood and growing up, as well as the academic experience, especially when I read very painful experience during graduate, plus I highly in all kinds of torture during a teacher. At the same time, I have nowhere to talk to their inner pain, because no one around to understand, even if you are good friends, they would taunt me, I do not understand. I knew that they did not experience them. But I do not seek to understand, just to be able to listen to when I chat to talk about, not work, they do not listen, interrupt me, even to me brainwashed. So, in my mind, these things have been deposited, and finally to himself into the abyss of depression. In early September, I returned home. After the diagnosis of depression, found that in order to avoid parents, I left home, back to the original work to extract the housing fund this year, in addition to most of remitted to the outside of the house, I left a part of, to find a stranger the local rental housing. I have disclosed the things he was suffering from depression at the time talking with friends, friends say the results "Oh, so what can be depression." Then, I almost did not contact any friend, I was with a friend on the phone until more than a month. Although the friend does not understand me, but I said she was listening to all this. During this time, I used to write blog posts, especially memoirs talk out of the way, in combination with other ways such as walking to relieve their emotions. At home and usually do not touch, only periodically call home are safe, and let the house only when something happens to call me. Up to now, there have been some relief.

2017, it is so over. I had wanted to apply for PhD in 2017, but due to family reasons, plus health reasons, there is work extremely busy, I did not mind learning, although online registration, but ultimately did not go on-site registration. 2018, I will be through their own efforts, admitted Dr. strive to change the fate of themselves and their families. I did not have more than 20 million in money and social relations, so now alone qualifications and ability, no way to find a stable job, I can only rely on education to change the fate. I decided to apply for his alma mater when the Master, because I have some understanding of the academic and character PhD supervisor there, and if I apply for other schools, those schools teachers do not know, during my Master in case of recurrence thing, really not as good as I die. So I decided to apply for his alma mater, although there is very ordinary, where to get a doctorate in gold content than other key school, but I'm willing. If policy remains unchanged, Dr. registration will begin February 28, 2018; exam and interview will be held around May 11, 2018.

Meanwhile, we hope the days of 2018 can be changed for the better. All the way wind and rain came, I felt tired. On my face, not the age should look like, looked very old. This time passing by. I was born in January 1990, up to now, I have a Pentium III people. When the feeling of time to pass up, I remembered seeing before passage:

Buddha asked all Salmonella: human life in a few? He replied: in a few day. Buddha: the child failed for the Road. Complex question and Salmonella: human life in a few? He replied: in between meals. Buddha: the child failed for the Road. Complex question and Salmonella: human life in a few? He replied: between breaths. The Buddha said: Good, good! Men who can be described as a sub-channel. ( "" [Chinese] Zhu Falan subject Matanga translation)

Life has been over the years, looking back to see, but between the "ah" sound, they dreamlike camel disappeared. The next decade or two, it will also be the last between the "ah" sound. However, I walked dreamy years, made me bitterness, much rough. I hope I can live better in 2018 than some, soothe my heart Fengyun riddled; want to round the dream of Dr. admitted in 2018; in 2018 when the body wants to be able to get better. At the same time, 2018, I will continue to go on pursuing the path of truth. I wish their own success, and wish yourself well, I wish to do so yourself.

2017, goodbye. 2018, hello.