The first three years of life 4
In a previous article, I used the form of running account of narrative about a little school experience before college entrance examination. This type running account of narrative, is that people often talk about the exchange. Things behind them, very few people care about, and even our parents, all of these things selective blindness.
Where we were born in, place of birth is what kind of external environment, was born in what kind of family, determines the lifetime of most people toward life determines the character and personality development most people a lifetime.
Everyone from birth to adulthood, each stage experience, are closely associated with its own character personality. Each stage of experience, mainly from the family, followed by the social environment itself from the outside world involved. From family experience, determined character and personality, will greatly affect their ability acted in external social environment, and social relationships with others.
Everyone born in a place and its external environment, determines a person's thinking and vision limitations. Many people think that this is fatalism, even very arrogant to say "I could not help days of my life, the day I want to destroy my off days." BBC documentary "56up", have a deep description.
All this is a choice they can do? Where we were born in, place of birth is what kind of external environment, was born in what kind of family, tired Health lifetimes of karma is the pull. We can say that this is the tired students lifetimes of good fortune personal choice, but that is the pre-existence of past life thing. This life we ??have the right to know, to change all that. Change, hard blue sky above. But understanding all of this, but equally difficult.
In this world, some people happy and some people pretend to be happy. Happy people in the hype, pretend happy people in self-paralysis, and even do not know their own in the paralysis of their own.
Any text as our education, contacts, are saying: "You were born in a happy family, happy life, love your parents, ......." All this is written into the subconscious, to form a self-paralysis. All the things we experience, will be considered a personal problem, paralyzed subconscious seems to tell us: "You have no right to complain, you are happy, I am happy to tell you that you are, remember that you are happy, I does not allow you to think, do not fucking believe you have experienced misfortune. "
Happy people, holds the right to speak, they do not believe in the existence of misfortune. I do not believe this for two reasons: first, they have never experienced; second, they could not believe that someone as good as them emotionally. Pretend happy people, he mastered the right to speak the words that people fooled, because the experience of their growth process leading to their miserable fate, even if aware of this, they are unable to make their voices heard.
Happy people, treat others, always ignored factors in the external environment, everything will be characterized as personal problems of others. "A person grumpy, I did not seem to offend him ah"; "a personal character is not good, I do not understand him"; "a person not admitted to a key school, is his lack of effort"; "someone ... ... "
Pretend happy people, in such an environment, I really think that this is their problem has nothing to do with others. And all persons concerned, as much as possible to stay out that none of their business. And all persons concerned, itself may not realize it, really think that none of their business.
Sometimes, recognizing all this, unfortunately, I do not know how to make themselves better. Outside of their injuries and imprison themselves do not recognize, trying to improve his bad character, bad situation but can not find a suitable reference.
I woke up again.
I wake up in October 2017.
September 2017, I found myself not control their emotions, there have been some changes in the body. I remembered during my graduate students, but can not contact her. During my graduate school, when faced with the students, they often complain to each other, ease the hearts of depression. I know, I alone with yourself, the more this time, the more we can not rely on others.
After psychological diagnosis, I was suffering from mild depression. An important reason for depression, is a childhood experiences. Diagnostic Report makes my head spin, the masked all the facts unearthed by.
Six months later, I finally eased from a state of hysteria, the symptoms improved significantly. I began to recall all the past still remember, I finally understand that domino has fallen down, I have to help them from the source.
When I finally realized all of this, when bored looking good friend of mind to tell what they heard voices they do not understand. I realized that my friends would not understand, because they have not experienced it all, they do not want to believe it all. So, I almost cut off contact with them. Even if there is contact, not to say these things. When depression episode again, I try to avoid the impact of their emotions to others. I was afraid that when I get home phone, but fortunately never.
The summer of 2018, I went home. I find it all traces at home. Thirty years, it was unchanged. Mr. Lu Xun once said: "While unfortunate slaves, but not terrible, because we know that struggle, there is still hope to break free; slaves from the United States to find out if life in the past, praise, intoxicated, is a hopeless slaves." I finally the courage to stand up and defend their dignity. This is a very painful process. I finally recognized special "separate and farewell" in the sentence: "Human life is the childhood experiences of a continuous cycle."
At the same time, I want to know, in the end is how much karma before I met it all. I would also like to know, how in the end I can be free, then I do not want to hurt those who pass will encounter in the future, and the future of the next generation appears.
Life in the past three decades, I have experienced misfortune more than happy. Unfortunately, half of them at home, half of them in other social relationships above. Recognizing these, so I ripped his heart in the last layer of camouflage, completely put down that metamorphosis of self-esteem. Brewing for months, I finally have the courage to withstand all this out for a myriad of pressure.
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